how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
