I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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