If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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