we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
