I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize