I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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