i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
