I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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