I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
