its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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