i permit you to call me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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