Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
