I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
