Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
