I think I died a long time ago.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
