just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
