I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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