my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
