he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize