Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
