Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
