Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
