she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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