in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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