about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize