wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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