thus making me awesome and them whores
only you would photoshop your dick
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
