i jhust puked up my retainher.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
