I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Quick, to the slutcave!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
