Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
