I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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