So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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