Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
As shirtless as possible
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
