I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize