Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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