I am puke
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
