She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
