Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
