don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
