if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
