New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Less talking, more tequila
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize