you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
