i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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