**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
