Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize