Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
