I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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