i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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