you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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