I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
