I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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