well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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