At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
