be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
