I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize