I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
