My sheets look like a crime scene.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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