You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
