There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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