i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
