Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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