I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
