Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
