Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize