Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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