Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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