i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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