Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
