Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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