I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
