so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
